Fear

This year has been the classic example of all our fears that came to life

A virus so small and tiny,

Had us isolated and made us whiny.

We distanced and distanced and distanced some more

This was the year of masks and not so much of S’mores

We worried about toilet papers, Sanitizers and virus transmission through pizza boxes

Of what’s essential service and what isn’t?

Of jobs, stimulus checks and all purpose flour and the economy

Of whether we will survive another lockdown if the cases surge

And worry about Halloween for the kids or the lack thereof

And of election outcomes

If Santa will visit with his elves or if we will stare at empty shelves

If there will be a vaccine soon despite the claims

If there will ever be “normalcy” again

If you’re having a hard time, fear you must not.

Take it one day at a time and give all the love you got

Hope

Hope is my favorite subjects because what is is this world really without hope?

It’s taken me a while to get back into the groove of writing again and I can’t promise I am back here to stay

I feel like may have jinxed it and the very next moment, like a butterfly, flit and fly away.

The last time I wrote it was shortly after the lockdown started and hope was in short supply

Then a few weeks ago I was on a phone call with an ex-colleague friend who had spoken to a manager from our old company. The manager apparently referred to me as the girl who wrote poems.

Strange, I thought.

Of all the things that I could have been remembered for – the hard work, the good and bad decisions and possibly my first interview that I had bombed, he chose to remember me by my poems?

Those words back then may not have come with much thought. Is that a good thing? I wondered.

Cut to this evening, I was on the phone again with a girl friend living in NYC reminiscing about how easy it used to be to just get on the train and go anywhere.

Walk into the pandemonium that Grand Central Station was and zig zag out of the way of a million and a half people just to get to the door and spill out on the street

2020 has been a tough year, not pretty by any means. There’s been death and killings and there will be trials (read: Ghislane Maxwell, it was breaking news this morning)

A year when big Brands decide to publicly speak up for Black Lives and LGBTQIA+

A year when age old structures that don’t work in current environments anymore are torn down.

A year when pivoting is not so bad, taking stock and re/unlearning is a good thing

A year when speaking up, lending a helping hand to lift another is heartening to watch

And rebranding (read: Fair & Lovely to Glow & Lovely) because if enough people demand change even big corporations cave

A year when hopefully, true, sincere and much needed change won’t be the enemy and will make this planet Earth more livable for all.

COVID-19

Things look bleak,

The cloud are grey

It preys on the weak and it’s likely here to stay

Everyone, everywhere seems to fervently pray

What worries me more is how much more death and destruction this will bring?

All this certainty we’ve taken for granted so long

Has been turned on its head quickly

And when it’s all said and done, will we be able to go back to what used to be?

There will be fights for toilet paper on the streets and then for food

Somehow priorities seem to have changed

Just being able to go for a walk now seems so distant, almost a luxurious memory

Then there’s those around the world who are paying the price,

As those who couldn’t make decisions fast enough waited till the situation unraveled

While others had to stand guard to help and serve and do the right thing.

In some cases doing the right thing meant being torn away from family and risking getting infected by going to work so people wouldn’t starve hungry

In other cases, it meant staying home so that those who couldn’t afford the luxury to wouldn’t have to pay the price for your insolence

In other cases it meant making that delivery, boarding that flight, going back to work at the hospital, factory, delivering that mail

In other cases, it meant not gathering 20 of your friends in a 6 foot wide circle gathering – it’s a pandemic not a pool party – Stay home, stay home, the rest begged and pleaded and asked nicely too, but some just didn’t listen

And then it did, it unraveled and it was too late and history marked the occasion and sealed our fates.

But after we go through all of it and the fittest survived, mankind realized that they were really ashes and dust and no more than that.

Mother Nature healed some of her 100+ year old scars.

Then she quietly showed us there’s better ways for us to be living

To let her be and she will in return let us be.

Has it ever happened to you?

Has it ever happened to you, that you have loved someone so much but have had to let it go?
Has it ever happened to you that you’ve been trying hard to suppress your thoughts and feelings subconsciously?
Has it ever happened to you that the very thoughts and feelings you think you’ve let go, just come back rushing to you suddenly when you’re doing random stuff?
Has it ever happened to you that when these thoughts come suddenly your heart gets a sinking feeling of 6 feet below sea level?
Has it ever happened to you that one moment you’re laughing hard thinking how stupid you were a long time ago and then find yourself crying like a baby the next minute?
Has it ever happened to you that all you think you want is just a shoulder to rest your head on?
Has it ever happened to you that just a hug has made your day brighter?
Has it ever happened to you that you’ve had a moment with a stranger, an intimate moment only you two shared, when you realized holding your passport in your teeth makes you look like an idiot while the stranger gawked at you and you both smiled?
Tell me has it happened to you too cause it happens to me all the time.

2020 year goals and are they any different

I’ve spent the past 10-12 days mulling over where I am in life, what I want to do, where I want to go and if I am on the right path.

With the New Year comes the opportunity and pressure to take stock of the year gone by. Did we use all our gifts well or did we lose opportunities we had because we didn’t feel ready. If I look back to my 2017 New Year post, while I am in a much different situation my goals and aspirations haven’t changed that much. They include the usual run of the mill

• Get fit/ eat healthy – been a constant struggle
• Judge less/accept more – this one’s been hard too
• Be active in the local community – I was for a while but then stopped
• Learn a new skill – yet to complete.
• Read more, watch more documentaries
• Be more mindful
• Be a better listener

Thinking back I feel like I was over optimistic about achieving these. Now I’d be happy to scratch off at least half of these.

Here’s to falling down but standing up again. Here’s to trying, over and over again and not giving up and finding something I love.

Here’s to being better than yesterday. Cheers!

Fancy Stationery Dilemma

Many of us live our lives wondering about a lot of what ifs. I do anyway. For someone who is comfortable with writing online, I am quite the stickler of putting pen to paper. I do it everyday – not for creative pursuits but to make a living and to live is to make notes. Of any kind.

I was browsing Amazon for what started with looking for –

1. Notebooks then

2. Journals, after which came

3. Wall calendars and before you know it

4. Desk calendars

Did you know they had daily Jeopardy Calendars or a yearly, a word a day calendar. Bet you didn’t. You’re welcome.

What if people knew, I am a sucker for fancy stationery, would they judge me for being just that a sucker for fancy stationery or judge me for spending too much money on pretty stuff that could be practically bought for half the price? Are both of those the same thing? Or would they empathize with my obsession.

Either way, I am a sucker for fancy, pretty stationery. It makes life interesting and inspires writing. For now, I am going to indulge in this vice of mine quite thoroughly.

Remember: There’s nothing wrong in buying flowers or notebooks with flowers on them! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

2020 is here

Hello everyone, welcome to 2020. Happy New Year! This ushering into the New Year wasn’t super exciting for me. One, because i had just got back a day earlier from my travels back home and jet lag had the better of me. Two, Wildfires in Australia, Protests in India, Climate change issues. If anything, the future looked bleak. We are progressing towards the point of no return fairly quickly if we aren’t already there yet. On the other hand, there’s moments of hope – seeing firefighters rescue people and animals, peaceful protests to take a stance, a helping hand. Hopefully, we will be able to course correct, politically and environmentally and heal the planet. That’s my hope and prayer for 2020.

On a personal level, i spent about half the year away from social media and i am happy about the amount of time and headache it has saved me. I have been back on briefly but plan to deleted all apps in the coming days/weeks. My inclination to stay on facebook and instagram has reduced drastically since my first sabbatical from it. While on it this time, i did notice people posting pics of themselves through the past decade or an update on their decade in review. Most people as usual glossed over their achievements rather than share the process the good, bad and ugly. To me that’s cookie cutter social media messaging – emphasize the good and hide all the less than perfect.

So, in order to bring some reality to the table after reading someone else’s unedited true version of their decade in review – here’s mine:

1. 2010: Graduated college + first heartbreak + got my first job
2. 2011: Got employed full time
3. 2012-2013: Worked hard at said job + rose tinted glasses about work life were taken off. Health suffered + second heartbreak.
4. 2014: Quit job + moved away for my MS + Learned to take care of myself, cook, clean, manage a household.
5. 2015: Got my first internship, got laid off earlier than the contract.
6. 2016: Got hired on campus + second internship
7. 2016: Third heartbreak + had a super tough semester at school
8. 2017: Met my TRUE love + had a nightmare of a semester trying to finish the graduate project while teaching two classes. Graduated with MS. Got a job, moved to another city.
9. 2018: Continued working,  mid 2018 -got engaged to my love.
10. 2019: Got married to this wonderful man who has held my hand for the past two years, continued working – was a super tough year at work! Survived it but it wasn’t easy.
11. 2020: Here i am, still standing – hoping this year will be a little kind to all of us.

My prayer is for me to look up and face my fears, keep my feet squarely on the ground and live with humility, never stop learning and to love my family and friends and to make a true difference in my local communities.

My prayer for you is – to find what you’re looking for – that exciting new job, that love of your life – love that’s so ephemeral and difficult to find in today’s instant age, that courage when you need it the most and that smile.

 

Purpose?

A few days ago I found myself thinking about my purpose in life. I remember doing the purpose exercise three years ago as part of a team building meeting and also remember struggling with it then as I did now.

Then I thought it would be smart for me to ask the same question to a few close friends. The answers I got were everything from simple and effective which I admired a lot to hilarious to a shocked reaction on being asked this deep a question that one of them suggested we meet up for coffee and discuss it (To happen in near future)

While I am still trying to weave the threads of my life together into a beautiful, colorful knit scarf one day, a few things I do haven’t gone unnoticed

1. Being persistent (Fall down seven times get up eight) this despite the fact that I’ve abandoned attempts to do something new and left things unfinished half way through

2. Stopping and smelling the flowers and noticing the little things in life, the pretty morning sunrise, Bambis on the way to work and squirrels. If these wild things were truly my friends, I’d hope I was Cinderella and get some help with day chores.

3. Helping others – because at the end of the day it’s not what you take from the earth but what you leave behind and I hope I leave a legacy.

4. Children – I know at the end of it all whatever I will be doing will be geared towards helping little kids around the world. It’s something that’s been close to my heart since I was a kid myself but I haven’t flushed out the details yet.

Wondering about everything

It’s that time of the year again when I try to think back to all that’s happened in the weeks and months gone by. I know it’s not 1st of January but then New Year’s Resolutions are so cliched – besides I always prefer calibrating from a past major milestone. Two years ago I began a new adventure, moved down to a new place, lock, stock and barrel for a new job. Moved into a new apartment with my then boyfriend, now husband. Husband! Oooo, it’s almost funny + magical + weird to say that word.

In those two years, I gave up a lot of things I was accustomed to. For starters, we moved to a new state and so – I had to start from scratch with acclimatizing myself to my new surroundings. I had to do so many things for the first time – driver’s permit and license, buying a car on loan, applications and permits for all sorts of things. Some of these were pretty grown up stuff.Then came the big – introducing him to the family and making sure everyone was okay. His family met my family. Everyone was on board. Then came more paperwork. Then the wedding planning for a good part of the past 10 months.

After two years of constantly working towards the next big goal, it feels like suddenly a weight has been lifted. This past weekend – all we did was

1. Clean the apartment 2. Relax at home.

No more, no less. After spending the past 10 months planning the wedding and always being on the move every single weekend since possibly February – it almost feels unreal to have stayed home this weekend. Things are beginning to slow down on the home front and it’s a much needed break I am grateful for. Not that the next goal isn’t already in sight but it’s just a place in life where I see where I came from, where I am going and right here, right now, actually feels very good.

Just wanted to take a moment to thank how far along we’ve come. Here’s to future adventures.

 

Checking Boxes

My dear friends, i am so sorry to be away from you all for so long. There are times i want to drop all that i am doing to let my blog-o-verse know what i am upto. However, as life goes, it gets busy and priorities shift based on where you are in life.

All i can say is things are going well. I am in a happy place and have been checking some pretty big boxes from a personal life and goals standpoint. It may take me a little while to get back into to groove of blogging again but i am hoping i can take small steps to blog some travel posts.

Sending everyone lots of love.